Untelling
A Record of the First Year of Our Son's Life
Caleb Johnson
Snowpack for two weeks
after they cut him out.
We felt confined
to the house, unable
to walk the sparkling valley,
sit by the river where, in spring,
we’d dump the dog’s ashes.
~
Gray titmouse, lone bird
approaching our feeder,
chipping sunflower seeds
off the hard cake
hung on our porch.
~
When the sky is clear
it is the richest blue.
Otherwise, clouds like snakes
have crawled across them.
~
Rainwater-filled ditches
resemble cough medicine.
A virus has curdled our son’s gut,
swollen his liver so he cries out
all night. We prop-up his pillow
seat with two unread copies
of War and Peace, trade sleeping
with foam plugs jammed in our ears.
~
Silent tears
streaking your face
again.
~
Buds on trees,
small promises.
Warm nights
awake with him
I sing, over and over,
Elvis’s “Hound Dog.”
Velcroed to my chest,
he fights. Screams louder
than I imagine two lungs
this small can muster.
~
Spring winds sound
like the sky is buzzing
with low-flying jets.
Last night you slept
four hours straight.
~
Daffodils bloom.
Our son’s fat hand
grasps a yellow head.
Balmy days.
At dusk we sit
on the porch, waiting
for the frogs to reveal
themselves.
~
Two nights of hard freeze,
back-to-back, threatening
all living things who thought
it safe to emerge from winter.
Behind the wheel I feel
like taking my life. If only
the trees were sturdier,
able to withstand the force
of a speeding car.
~
Now, every morning, turkeys call.
Sometimes fifteen, including one white
bird, stand in a neighbor’s yard while,
overhead, a melon-rind moon
hangs in the sky, as if
whatever god watches the night
forgot to toss her refuse in the celestial trash.
~
What looked like overgrown trees
gain new purple coats. On days fog
descends into the valley, frogs chirp
until lunch. Now pureed beets, sweet
potato, blueberries crushed through a sieve.
Geese honk, and tom turkeys gobble.
I cut myself one afternoon at the kitchen
counter, and remember my dad used
superglue to hold together split flesh.
I can’t get myself to stop. I drag the tube’s tip
along the wound, leaving bloody froth
that, when dry, looks like glob froghoppers
leave at the base of trees.
~
Green apples burden
trees until slender branches
drop them onto the ground.
Deer find rotting feasts.
Alongside the parkway,
tourists pick wild
strawberries that are sweeter
and more flavorful
than farm-raised fruit.
~
When our son wakes,
I can see fifty yards
at best. Out of the fog
a fawn follows its mother,
suckling at her teats
swinging above the tall
wet grass. The deer
have orange coats now.
Hickory trees are heavy
with hard green nuts.
Our son likewise dangles
on my chest. We walk
a fence line. A speckled
fawn races by so fast
I hear a grunt as it strains
to move quicker.
~
It rains most afternoons,
big fat drops spaced widely
apart. Looks like we could
walk through them without
getting wet. Disheveled
songbirds alight on porch railing,
shake water from their feathers.
~
How dark a laurel slick,
how lacey a Queen Anne,
how supple purple thistles
ready to bloom. Swallows
and bats have returned.
At night they pirouette
across the pasture.
Full moon sitting
over the mountains,
a spotlight shining
into our bedroom
the first time we make love
since his arrival.
~
The sun settles into a notch
in the mountains as if cut to fit.
~
Color comes first to trees
higher up the ridgeline.
Yellow of hickory, red
of white maple, purple
of sourwoods from which
bees make our favorite honey.
Deer have deep brown coats,
almost black, and geese
checkmark a lavender sky.
~
Late one night
you mistake coyote
for a party of drunk women.
~
Our son walks by the time
a hard freeze kills the last
of our summer garden.
Three-toed turkey tracks
on the road. His hand
gripped tightly in mine
feels like a juicy plum.
Caleb Johnson is the author of the novel Treeborne (Picador), which was named an honorable mention for the Southern Book Prize. He teaches creative writing at Appalachian State University.
